my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
