you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
