Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
