Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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