so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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