I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
