yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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