New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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