living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
