no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
