Your tits are I can't wait for
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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