My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
