everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
