That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
