If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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