The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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