not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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