My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
