Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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