I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
