Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
