im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
