Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
