thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
