Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ttyl tear gas
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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