I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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