If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
