i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
last night I used snow as a chaser
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
