this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
