You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
