I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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