Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
third nipple confirmed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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