I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
