just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
