Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize