The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
