I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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