just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Farmville is her only friend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
