You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
