A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
