He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
