I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
