because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
