woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
