so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
