cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
