How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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