but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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