the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
