I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize