i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
