yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
