I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
