Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Where is the hickey?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
