i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
