: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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