my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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