i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
one might say we're banned from that church
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
