You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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