Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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