I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
