Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
