I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
