I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
