I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
