Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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