I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
