We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
