but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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