More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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