The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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