come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize