What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
